I learned a couple of years back that I’m bipolar. For most of my teens
For most of my teens years I struggled with low-self esteem and insecurities. For the most part of it, my interpersonal skills have always been at level one. And because of that, my passive nature is easily mistaken for coldness. Relatively, it is difficult being bipolar and maintaining sanity when you’re hurt or experiencing pain. A bad mood is all it takes to set you off in a pit of depression and it is so hard to convince oneself out of those negative emotions. I have a hard time processing negative things. Attitudes, hurt, disappointment, resentment.
Learning to deal with them is a life lecture on its own- but I try. As a coping mechanism, I’ve learnt to cultivate my own happiness and cling to it for as long as the wheels turn. It’s magic I tell you. When I’m most happy, I document that moment. Taking pictures and video’s if I can, so when I get into that pit of depression again I can remind myself that being happy is a choice.
In my diagnosis, I made a conscious decision of not going through taking the medication – despite the doctor’s orders. Simply because I do not wish to reduce my wellness to a bunch of pills. A leap of Faith decision and I still stand by it.